shit city
by muchacha.wmv
Summary: its up to them...
1. Chapter 1

late one evening on a thursday night goenji shuuya walked into kidous dining room with no trousers on

"kidou, " he said , striking a pose . " we have to go on a traveling adventure . to shit city " . he said this and then took a glass of water off the dining room table and poured it over his head dramatically .

kidou was playing monopoly with himself . he looked up from his game . " gouenji i do not want to go on a traveling adventure to shit city , " he said darkly " who knows what will happen if i leave this house to genda and sakuma . they might leave the fridge door open "

" i understand , " said gouenji . he climbed up on the table . " but we have to go . its a matter of national soccer security . "

this got kidous attention . " a matter of national soccer security ! what sort of thing has happened on this day that is the sort of thing that would be such a terribly important thing ! " he was so shocked that he accidentally stole 300 thousand dollars from the bank .

gouenji started taking off his socks and a single tear rolled down his face . after 6 minutes of silence he spoke . " its the goals ….. theyve been kidnapped . all the goals that have ever been scored . " he dropped his socks on the floor and laid down on top of kidous game board .

at this , kidou stood up so fast that his legs got caught in the chair and he fell over with a loud crash . he got back up quickly and pounded his fists on the table . " the goals ! holy macaroni ! who would do such a dastardly and terrible thing ! " he screamed . upstairs fudou was so startled that he fell out of the window he was breaking in through

gouenji lifted his face off the table to answer him . " i do not know the answer to that thing that you asked but the thing that i do know is that we have to get them back . " there was no questioning this one fact , for how could there be soccer without goals ?

kidou wanted to throw his monopoly game off the table dramatically as a sign of his resolve , but since gouenji was on top of it he pushed him off the table instead . " ill be ready in 5 minutes , " he said as gouenji landed on the floor with a thud . he dropped his cell phone on gouenjis face . " call hiroto . let him know we need him to drive us there " . hiroto was the only one with a license . kidou was not allowed to get one after the dmv found out about the time he drove an armored bus through a middle school after defeating them in a soccer game , and gouenji never bothered to read the drivers manual .

gouenji picked the phone off his face and tried typed in kidous password, penguinzrule, into it. kidou hadnt closed out what he was looking at so gouenji was looking at a bunch of picutres of penguins in clothes and poses. he closed it out and texted hiroto. "yo man i need you drive me and kidou someplace where dreams come true." hiroto happened to be the fasted texter in japan and it took him like 2 seconds to type back"gouenji bro my man is that u? what is it im having a BBQ rn im BBQing with my son my son i hatched" gouenji remembered the baby shower "I need a ride to shit city its a matter of soccer and death" "ill get my ufo".

gouenji heard lots of thumping and crying and also crashing, he guessed fudou had climbed back up. suddenly kidou ran down the stairs in his really hot red cape and dragging fudou by his ratty hair. "im ready gouenji lets go i just had to take out the trash" gouenji nodded in lots of understanding. they both ran outside kidous glorious cape flowing behind him as they left fudou on the curb for the trash guys to pick up. Hirotos ufo came into site.

"QUICKLY! YOU BOTH NEED TO HURRY" he opened the hatch and they both got in. "thanks hiroto this was very heroic of you" kidou said as tears filled up his goggles. "its fine i was only grilling with my son im sure he can handle it while im gone" they were zooming really fast they needed to get to shit like 15 minutes had passed. "i need to pee really bad hiroto" kidou told him having to pee really badly."SHIT lets pull over"

they stopped at some place that had a burger king attached. kidou ran to go pee while hiroto and gouenji went and ordered like 50 burgers. kidou came out and saw them eating all the burgers without him. "like wtf you guys save some for me" they ate all the burgers at a slow pace so they didnt get cramps. they ate like 40 of them before a bad guy came in. he was bad to the bone.

"GIVE ME ALL YOUR BURGERS RIGHT NOW" he yelled at them. they started handing over the burgers."gouenji kidou you guys have to do something!" hiroto told them standing up and putting a foot up on the table looking towards the ceiling. gouenji stood up with a burger in hand

"kidou lets save burger king" he told kidou shoving the entire burger in his mouth in one go. kidou stood up but tripped over his feet and fell backwards. "yeah lets do it" kidou said from on the floor.

he stood up and followed gouenji. "what are we gonna do he sounds real mean" kidou asked gouenji since it was his fucking idea. "hmm i think if i shoot this soccer ball at that wall and you run and grab the bag we can do it" kidou nodded it sounded fucking stupid and probably wouldnt work but he was tired and wanted to get to shit city already.

"gouenji pulled a soccer ball out of his pocket and kicked it at the wall causing fire and mass destruction to burger king. kidou ran and grabbed the bag out of the bad bad guys hand. he ran back to gouenji and tossed it to him. "LETS BOOK IT" and ran out the door with the bag and hiroto and kidou following behind him. they hopped into hirotos ufo and they zoomed off.


	2. Chapter 2

"gouenji i thought we were saving burger king" kidou asked eating the stolen burgers." well thats before i realized there is a lot of burgers in here and im still hungry" he said mouthful of burger. "pass me a burger" hiroto said cause he was steering.

It was about an hour later before they hit traffic. "ugh how far back do you think this will put us" gouenji asked playing poker with kidou. they were using burgers as payments since they only had like 30 left. "idk probably a couple days, considering i have no idea where shit city even is" hiroto told them while he read the newspaper like a dad.

gouenji whined loudly because he didn't wanna wait and kidou beat him for like the 9th time. gouenji kicked a soccer ball at the cards and they all burst into flames. "wtf gouenji that was my only set you fuck" like a bajilon hours later they finally made it out of inazuma town.

"guys this is as far as i can go. im banned from this town" they both nodded considering hiroto and the other aliens had like destroyed the entire area 11 years ago. "remember you guys if u die in soccer you die in real life" they hopped out and watch hiroto zoom away leaving paper stars in his wake.

"gouenji before we continue put these on" gouenji took the shiny very tight looking pants out of his hand. they were the perfect pants probably. it took him about an hour to get into them not counting all the times he took them back off because kidou thought he looked so hot they had to touch butts.

gouenji finally got them on for good and spun around striking a fucking stupid pose. kidou swooned and fainted and gouenji had to wait another 3 hours before they could move on. but than they had to sit down cause they had no fucking idea where they had to go

"gouenji where is shit city exactly?" kidou asked him while he braided gouenjis hair putting bows in it. gouenji looked at him super duper serious "uhhh? kidou i think we have to solve a puzzle to find out" he said taking out his top hat. kidou was so amazed he was like wow wow wow. gouenji took out his phone and opened an app.

"this puzzle should do" it was a kitty cat puzzle it had fucking 20 pieces thats 20 more than none. after hours of trying to figure out the immpossible puzzle. gouenji threw his phone and it broke into 1000 pieces. he threw his top hat on the ground and shit in it. kidou was really shocked.

"gouenji i could have done it im a genius remember" kidou said flicking his luscious locks back. gouenji got super mad at him cause like gouenji was suppose to be good at puzzles and this stupid ass cat puzzle made a fool out of him.

gouenji got so mad he ripped his 5 shirts and his leather pants and he put green face paint on. he was the not so incredible gouenji. kidou started laughing so hard he pissed himself , good thing he was wearing his potty training undies.

after gouenji stopped being a piss baby, which took like 5 hours, they continued to sit on the ground. "why did u break your fuckign phone u dipshit" kidou said with lots of anger is his very angry voice. "why did you leave yours in the ufo" gouenji said tears in his gorgeous eyes.

kidou noticed he was crying and started laughing at him. "wow gouenji are you crying? crying like you cried when your dad called you a weenie?" kidou laughed laughing. "shut up im not a weenie my dad is a jerk" he cried really loudly covering his tear stained face.

suddenly there was loud noises coming from the building like a foot away. "was there always a building here?" kidou asked because they had been there for like almost a full day and not noticed.

there was another loud bang and a soccer ball rolled out of the building. gouenji suddenly stopped crying and ran over. he leaned in closely and sniffed the ball. "someones been misusing soccer" gouenji said in a low dark tone. kidou gasped. "NO! MISUSING SOCCER?! HOW DARE THEY!" kidou yelled rolling over to the scene.

they stood in front of the building that was a huge sporting goods store. "KIDOU YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS RIGHT?" goueji said sticking his leg up in the air. "lets do this" kidou said laying on his stomach and tossing his head back. they both stood together holding hands.

"stand up! stand up!"

"if you love football!"

"GOUENJI!"

"KIDOU!"

"STAND AND UNITE!"

"TOGETHER WE WILL FIGHT"

"FOR THE SOCCER THATS TRUE"

"NOW ITS TIME TO MAKE OUR MOVE"

"MAGICAL SOCCER POWERS ACTIVATE!"

magical lights and sparkles danced around them as they transformed into their ultimate forms. gouenji was wearing like 6 layers of pink frilled tops with a sequined bow on his ass and 6 inch heels. his hear grew 20 feet and shimmered in the moonlight, and the sequined hair clips on his left and righ side shimmered in the sunlight. kidous outfit was a lime green and orange leotard with long flared sleeves and he wore 7 ribbons in his hair . they were beautiful


	3. Chapter 3

with his super tuned hearing skills or whatever , kidou heard a scream from 5 miles away ! " gouenji ! "he said " there is a dangerous villain type person 5 miles eastward in the left direction ! "gouenji said in response to him, "we have to go, right at this moment !" and they went

they ran eastwards so quickly. they ran, even though they were not wearing running shoes, through the forest of lost dreams, and they did not stop to pick sunshine mushrooms even though some people who were there at the time might tell you they did. they didnt do that, because they are Responsible young adults, and they had a MISSION to save all people on the world except the bad ones.

when they came out of the forest, they saw a shocking sight! before their 2 pairs of 2 eyes, there was a VERY LARGE monster! the monster was as tall as maybe a hundred pidgeons standing on top of each other, with teeth like sharpened pidgeon feathers, and a cry like a dying pidgeon! the monster was actually a pidgeon

together they climbed the nearest Big Rock and they stood proudly, pointing at the monster as the sunset gleamed down upon them in orange and magenta . "villanous scrublord!" kidou shouted, very imposing like. "we cannot allow you to threaten this innocent planet of people on the plantet, who are threatened !"

"also you smell very bad!" goueni added." and you have no sense of style! and you are unjust and we, as the champions of all that is light and good and bedazzled, must stop you !" the monster just cooed. it was just a pidgeon

kidou readied his weaopn, which was nothing, and gouenji readied his weapon, which was also nothing, and they charged. kidou took his left flank, while goeunji read a book on how to defend the planet. kidou waved his hands around wildy in what SEEMS like no real pattern but im sure if you watched carefully you would understand that what he was doing was actually ANCIENT MAGICS maybe. "PASSIONATE SHINING FOOTBALL LIGHTNING !" he shouted after he wore his arms out, and the pideon was very startled. the pidgeon flew away. so Long ... Pidgeon ... you were a worthy opponent. kidou and gouenji high fived, but they missed.

"we did a good job today..." gouenji said, as the sun rose. kidou nodded. suddenly, the ground they were standing on was no longer there and they fell into the Death Dimension.


	4. Chapter 4

the fall took 3 long years, through an ancient tunnel mined by the Original Inhabitants of the planet earth (which were of course the boobahs). the tunnel walls were solid gold, and every couple of days they would pass a 7/11, but as they were falling at the time they couldnt stop for snacks and refreshments. they passed the time by talking to each other about their dreams. kidou discovered that gouenji secretly wanted to move to the country and raise pokemon on his own ranch, of course kidou did not have the heart to tell him that was a stupid ass idea, so instead he told him it was a fuckin awful idea. gouenji cried a little but he was ok.

by the time they reached the Death Dimension, their magical girl outfits had powered down. "gouenji, by the way," kidou said as he picked himself off the ground of the Death Dimension, which was blood red and covered in Souls. "are we fucking dead right now"

"we are probably alive," gouenji told him, "probably what happened is when we fell, our physical bodies stayed in the same place unless they were picked up and moved somewhere else by Mysterious forces, but i mean thats probably not something that would ever happen"

(( note : thats what happens later ))

gouenji and kidou started to walk down a very long tunnel in the Death Dimension. when they heard a deep voice call out to them. "Gouenji-sama" a hooded figure apperared, well slightly hooded you could see the face completly cause his hair was spiked up like a loser.

"tsurugi what in the heck are you doin in the Death Dimension?" gouenji asked very worried for his young son.

"i've been waiting for you for three long years" he told gouenji. "my goodness tsurugi, 3 years is a really long time. how exactly did you get down before us?' kidou said with his hands covering his mouth in shock, it was all very shocking.

he turned his attention to kidou "oh, i took the eleveator" he said pointing at the large elevator behind them. kidou gave gouenji a mean look, this must somehow be all his fault, somehow...

"anyway tsurugi what is it that you needed can you hurry this along we have importnat adult things to do" tsurugi stepped foward pulling his hood off his spiky thing. "i've brought you this sword gouenji-sama." he said pulling out a magnificent golden sword. it was covered in easily 1000 brightly colored gems.

gouenjis eyes sparkled with wonder "wowey zowey" he whispered. gouenji reached out to take it from his sons hands, but tsurugi pulled it away. "gouenji-sama before i give you this sword i need to warn you of the dan-" but the sword was ripped oit of his hands by gouenji who held it above his head and whacked kidou in the face with his elbow on accident, probably.

"WOw i feel like i am a real hero a true hero" gouenji yelled out as he pretnend to fight more evil pidgeons with his large very sharp sword. tsurugi sighed and went back to the elevator knowing it wasnt his probelm anymore, he did his part.

"gouenji be carful you almost tore my cape" kidou cried as gouenji kept swinging it around and making cool noises like a hero. kidou was super butthurt he didnt get a cool weapon.

"kidou do you think i can cut fabric with this or food. oh man i bet its a super hella back scratcher." gouenji asked as he tore his shirts trying to scratch an itch.

kidou was really starting to lose faith in humanity, what kind of moron gives a double moron, gouenji, a weapon? and a huge super sharp one that can rip capes. "gouenji we have to focus we have to-" gouenji slashed at kidou and cut on of his dreads off.


End file.
